I met with my spiritual director today and she asked me a couple of really good questions, “What is God’s word for Bruce today?” and “You sound a little off center, what’s going on?”
First, let me say that I know life is crazy for most everyone. Sometimes it is good crazy and other times not so much. These past few weeks I have been able to stay just this side of the good kind, but I can just tell it wouldn’t take much more to get me to the other side. Sometimes this “in-between” is the worst place to be because, lets face it, it is not as easy to figure out. That whole self-reflection thing has to happen and that is never fun 😉
As many of you know, this whole moderator thing has been taking a toll on me and the family. Not that we do not think it is totally worth it, but it has been like taking on another job without really having the space to do so. Folks have been great in all aspects of our life to build a “net” of support, but still, it has been a challenge. It has been an exhilarating challenge, but a challenge nonetheless.
What I have discovered is that I must be more disciplined than ever in claiming my Sabbath, my center and my grounding. I must try to maintain some kind of balance. When I am not disciplined, I feel off-kilter and am not able to maintain any kind of focus on the big picture. And while that may be good for short periods of time, with a church, family and self needing to maintain some level of health, my meanderings can’t last too long lest I give up my responsibilities within these contexts.
The word for me from God has always been “Balance.” And I am reminded of this by my family. Over and over again, I am drawn back to a place of balance by my understanding of God in the midst of my family. Family is my center and my grounding. Through the lens of my family I best understand my relationship with God. Moreover I am driven to be a positive presence in the world because I am so grateful for the gift of my family. As I watch my kids grow up, I am amazed at the immensity of God’s willingness to trust Robin and I with these three gifts and am humbled by the responsibility to raise them.
I stumbled upon this picture from a few Ash Wednesdays ago of Eldest place the ashes upon my forehead, “From dust you came and to dust you shall return.” As I reflect on the past few months and the months ahead that may get even crazier I not only rest in that humbling understanding of God’s power and presence, but I am given energy and strength by the blessings that send me out.