[moor-ing] one’s stability or security
21 years ago, on a chilly Saturday San Francisco morning in December, my lovely bride and I gathered with our family and friends to get all hitched and stuff. With tears flowing – born of shock AND joy – we exchanged vows, we laughed, we cried and before God and our community we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together . . . that day really was better than Cats.
21 years. Thinking back over emotional growing pains, three daughters and one infamous tattoo . . . 21 years does seem like a pretty amazing thing. As my Eldest daughter put it, “Dad, your marriage is old enough to drink now!” Even more shocking is that, in all honesty, it really does feel like it was only yesterday when I said, “I Do.”
And cue “our song” . . . seriously, don’t laugh.
Anyhoo. . . one of the reasons that we have done so well over the long haul of our marriage, is that our relationship thrives in and on the ordinary. We don’t go out to fancy parties, we don’t give each other big shiny gifts and most of the time we have to force ourselves to actually celebrate our anniversary. In fact, other than our 20th Anniversay Celebration last year, our biggest anniversary partay might have been the first one when we went to Sizzler for dinner and then ate our year-old, freezer-burned cake for dessert.
Partying like we’re rock stars 😐
Sure, we struggle with the same problems as other couples do and we go through the ebbs and flows of any relationship. We have some patterns in our life that should probably be addressed, there are times when our communication isn’t always clear and we fight about unfinished projects, crazy in-laws and who made who late this time 😉
But . . . we also find great joy in the everyday and the mundane: doing our daily morning “one bathroom for five people” dance, checking in during the day to make sure that we do not inadvertently misplace any of our children and ending each day usually curled up on the couch watching crappy TV and musing about our children, our work and world.
I think most relationships that are healthy be they marriages, friendships or family ties are anchored by the everyday and the mundane. It is in that ordinary time when we are shaped and formed as individuals, couples and communities because this is where we spend most of our life. The peaks and the valleys the journey come and go to offer accents to the long arc of our lives, but it is in that middle place where we find our grounding, our mooring, our home. It is vital that, no matter the context of the community, that we give the ordinary time in our lives the same kind of attention and care as we would the grandest of celebrations or most difficult of our struggles. For whether it’s a spouse, a friend or a family member, when the moorings of the day-to-day begin to loosen, relationships begin to grow apart.
So after 21 years, I boldly claim our boring, mundane and ordinary lives because they have been life-giving, joy-filled and holy.
Now to make those Sizzler reservations.