2007.03.20

I'm bringing ugly back

Oneuglydoga78 As I sit here at 1:00am wondering why I am still awake, I have realized that this has been an ugly few days . . .

Ugly #1 - Ever have one of the Sunday sermons that was just not on or just plain sucked?  Yeah, sure, there is always something somewhere for someone.  God works through us even when we don't know how.  One never knows how the Spirit will work.  Yada yada yada blah blah blah.  Sometimes we preachers are just not good and even God is thinking, "What the . . . ?"  Whether it be poor preparation, overextension, over-reliance on competency or in my case for this Sunday, all of the above, we all have off days where it just feels like the Spirit just took the day off . . . by my lack of posting the Vodcast you can tell how I felt about Sunday.

Ugly #2 - First, let me tell you that because I am an eldest-child/enneagram 3/Type A/Overachiever kind of person, admitting to this next one in public is not easy.  Here it goes . . . I had to ask for an extension today for one of my mid-term papers.  After finishing one earlier in the week, I just could not carve out the time to get the other one done.   I believe in all of my undergrad and seminary years I never requested an extension, but yet, first semester back in school and what-do-ya-know, extension time baby.  I must admit, starting school and remaining balanced with  church, family, self, etc has been harder than expected.  Who's idea was this again?!?!?!?

Ugly #3 - Again, keeping in mind the above self-description, it is freaking me out that I have over 50 undealt-with eMails staring at me with those little beady "I can't believe you are just letting me sit here, you freaking loser, slacker guy.  And you call yourself a pastor . . ." eyes.   Make the voices stop!

And while I certainly have felt a little overwhelmed and overextended as of late, what has saved me from self destructing, my brain exploding or just curling up in a ball in the corner, is the understanding somewhere in the core of my being that it will all be okay and most of the judgments that I or my eMails make about my character and performance are inconsequential to most other folks and more importantly, to God. 

So . . . I press on, trusting God not just to stay afloat, but to guide, support and lead me to thrive, grow and continue to find peace of heart, mind and spirit in the midst of a life and world of chaos.  At least that is what I keep telling myself ;-)

I'm going to bed.


2007.03.13

What I have learned in school so far . . .

Homer So I am a few months into this Doctor of Ministry program and I have learned a few things.

I am not that smart // So I already dropped a class because the PhD students were way too intense and the would have kicked my theologically plebeian-esque butt all over the place.  Plus, the first day of class it was clear that the "academics" were not about the "we are all theologians" model.  Whatever . . .

I may be that smart // I have also found out that what I want to concentrate on, the urban cultural creatives and the mainline churches, is outside some of the thinking at the Graduate Theological Union.  While the business world, sociologist and a few religious folks have been thinking about this area of ministry, it has not trickled up to the seminaries.

I need a time machine // Oh yeah . . . class + studying + commuting = 8 more hours a week.  Hmmm, I wonder if I can borrow Dr. Emmitt Brown's DeLorean

Sneezing in a ecumenical seminary class is funny // I can't help to giggle to myself every time someone sneezes in class.  Like clockwork, a sneeze occurs and the "Bless You's" rain down like manna from heaven.

2007.02.11

Let's play "What's my context?"

At some point, if we have not hit it already, we are going to darn tired of the word "context."  But until we come up with another word worthy of the usage, we have to live with it.  I have just started my Doctor of Ministry program at the Pacific School of Religion and part of the beginning of each class is the prerequisite time to "share your contexts."  Sounds like a bad idea for a game show, "Bob . . . I'll take painful family memories" for $500."  In any case it is interesting to reflect upon one's own context and then to also hear about those experiences/perspectives that color and influence others.
Trying to practice self-awareness, here are some of mine.  Please keep in mind that these may change depending on the mood of my children, baseball season and/or the state of my current sermon.

I am a LOVER of . . .

  • my wife of 16 years;
  • my three kids;
  • my filipino, chinese, immigrant roots and family;
  • historical and contextual interpretation of the Bible;
  • a balanced and thoughtful view of politics somewhere between anarchy and fascism;
  • liberals or conservatives who don't believe the other is Satan incarnate;
  • motorcycle riding;
  • pop songs with meaning;
  • the Oakland A's Baseball family;
  • churches that connect with people;
  • justice movements that are grounded in righteous indignation;
  • the communal nature of neighborhood coffee shops;
  • public schools;
  • those who just want to make the world a friggin' better place;
  • san francisco;
  • the ennegram, myers-briggs and spiritual direction;
  • the spiritual nature of blogging and social networking;
  • irreverent religious humor;
  • and long walks on the beach in the rain . . . w/jesus ;-)

I am a TOLERATOR of . . .

  • religious institutions;
  • the police (again I am somewhere between anarchy and fascism);
  • radio disney
  • those who just don't know any better;
  • modernity
  • any other blogging service than typepad;

I am trying really hard to be an UNDERSTANDER of . . .

  • continuing racist/sexist/classist behavior even after one knows better;
  • liberals who claim openness but are really only open to those who agree with them;
  • conservatives who oppress and exclude "with love;"
  • bad 80's christian rock;
  • american culture that elected "W" TWICE;
  • entitlement;
  • apathy;
  • fundamentalism of any kind;
  • inerrant/literal interpretation of Scripture;
  • low effort
  • bad chinese food in san francisco;
  • those who believe there is only one way to do and be church;
  • pepople woh cn'ta tpye in tshi dya adn aeg of slepllcjeck

2006.12.12

The Rev. Dr. B - I like it . . .

Brucehs3 Gosh I hope I make some new friends.

As some of you know I recently applied to the Pacific School of Religion's Doctor of Ministry Program to begin in the spring of '07.  Well clearly someone is either on some logic-stunting narcotic or the extra communion bread I slipped the admissions officer worked, because lo and behold, they accepted me and I am going back to school in the Spring.

The Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) is a 3 year professional doctorate program meaning that I will still work full-time while I take classes and do research and the dissertation is to be focused on one's ministry context.  My project focus will be "The Mainline Response to the Urban Creative Class" and my context will be San Francisco and Mission Bay Community Church.

And while I do intend to contribute to the larger body of work concerning the church and its future in the urban context my main motivators are:

  • to get those cool chevrons on my Geneva Gown AKA Black Robe, which I never wear,
  • I want to beat my mother to the degree, she's lying if she says she doesn't want to be first,
  • and just once, I want to answer yes when someone says, "Is there a doctor in the house?"

I joke to keep myself from crying ;-)  More accurately, as I reflect upon this journey on which I am about to embark, I am surprisingly excited, petrified and humbled at the thought of beginning the program.

EXCITED: Could it be? Might I be onto something?
Deep down, I think most pastors feel like we are flying by the seat of our proverbial pants when it comes to ministry.  The day-to-day mechanics of DOING ministry often take precedent over striving to BE ministers.  Then try to do the day-to-day and think big picture about a congregation, a denomination or a community and forget about it.   Heck, if I am going to work that hard, at least let me get paid ;-)  Then there are those moments when one feels like God is leading and more often than not, you have made good decisions, weathered storms, fought off frustration and in the midst of it all, found joy in one's calling.  That is where I am at this moment.  So often in too many contexts, my passion to understand, serve and pastor the types of people who come to MBCC has been misunderstood or even dismissed.  The idea that this particular worldview/perspective/demographic [See my project justification.] deserves to be heard and valued is for the most part ignored by mainline denominations, when I believe that it is this very group of people who offer the most hope to the future of mainline churches in whatever manifestation that will be.  The fact that this school has acknowledged that this is a worthwhile area of study, well I am going to oh so subtly pat myself on the back . . . okay that's enough . . . on to why this scares the living bajesus out of me.

PETRIFIED: Not a PhD, but still school
For those that don't know a D.Min. is kind of a PhD Lite or McPhD if you prefer.  And that is fine with me because I have no need, desire or ability to learn German, Latin, French and stay in school far way too long.  Plus my vocabulary of 3+ syllable words is extremely limited AND "The Institution" won't let you defend your dissertation using clips from Friends, no matter how profound Rachel may be.  But, still I must fraternize with the PhD types . . . the D.Min. program at PSR is different than other schools because the D.Min. students don't take courses together.  In other programs you can slack as one body of slackers.  Not here.  At PSR they admit less than 10 D.Min. students a year and we are left to fend for ourselves in terms of classwork, the only requirement is that all the courses be doctoral level courses.  Yes, you figured it out, I may not be as smart as those PhD students, but I will be taking classes with them.  Woohoo!  I have heard that the PhD folks really respect the D.Min. folks because we are working in engaged in praxis  (ooh aah) but as soon as they stat mocking me in Latin, I'm outta there.

Gmagpareyes HUMBLING - What would my Grandfather think?
It is hard to believe that my mother once picked tomatoes in the fields of Stockton and all my grandparents immigrated from their home countries, the Chow's from China and the Reyes' from the Philippines just 60 years ago.  Not to be cheesy, but there is something moving about going from an immigrant peasant/village context to a generation with multiple graduate degrees.  And while my Chinese side will be proud [Great post by my cousin, Trina.]  I think most about my grandfather Esteban (Steve) De Los Reyes, who was one of the founding members of Trinity Presbyterian Church in Stockton.  The Presbyterian church was the one to take in and care for farm workers during the strikes in the late 30's providing dignity to these proud families when the country would not.  Out of this experience they formed a church and a community that at its core is about caring for the "other" and transforming the community.  My church has always been proud of me as one of their own going into the ministry and there is always the place in my spirit that knows at the core of my being that what I do is not just about me, but about the many aunties and uncles who paved the way.  My grandpa and grandma Reyes would be proud . . . I miss them.

So there you have it, back to school . . . pretty humbling for me, exciting and petrifying but humbling nonetheless.  Overall though, can't wait to get started.  If you want more reading or an easy excuse not to go back to more productive activities you can also read my Project Justification and Personal Statement, but only if you have absolutely have NOTHING else to do.

Finally . . . the biggest questions for me still remains, will I make any friends?  I wonder . . ."Does PSR have a fraternity?"  I can see it now, a crazy night of theologizing about the plight of the urban creative class leads to Rev. Tank run naked down the street towards KFC, "Come on, we're all going streaking." (Old School Reference)


 

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  • All ideations contained in this blog are "mine and mine alone" and do not represent the positions or views of [THE PC(USA)], [MBCC], the family fish, any of my imaginary friends or Rufus, the 13th disciple. And remember, if you are going play here, please play nice w/others [MY comments policy].
    Peace Out,
    Bruce Reyes-Chow
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For Thought

  • Quote "Peace"
    “Peace it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
  • Benediction
    Thank to all who have asked for this. This is a compilation of many different benedictions that I have heard throughout the years, no originality claimed, just some great opportunities to share it.

    Go forth into the world
    With compassion and justice in your heart
    Give voice to the silent
    Give strength to the weak
    See one another
    Hear one another
    Care for one another
    And love one another
    It's all that easy
    And it's all that hard

    Now may the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ
    The love of God
    And the power of the Holy Spirit
    Be with us all, now and forever more
    AMEN

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