Bruce Reyes-Chow

19 Years ago today

19 years ago today, this 21-year-old college student said these vows to his young bride in a funky wedding service befitting their San Francisco, churchy, hipster, hippiesque leanings.  It's hard to believe that that chilly San Francisco morning was almost 20 years ago when folks really did wonder if we were crazy. 

Who can blame them we were young ;-)

But . . . Looks like we made it!

And while we have had our rough spots like any couple, my life has been made fuller and more complete because of her in my life.  This day I am grateful to God for the blessing that has been our life together.

My vows . . .

Robin, as I become your husband today,
I bring to you a lifetime full
of all of the enthusiasm and
of the devotion one person can have towards another.

I bring to you all of the strength, courage and friendship,
from the times when life's surprises are always pleasant,
to whenever the obstacles seems overwhelming.

I promise to always bring out your carefree spirit
when you are taking life too seriously
and bring you laughter when you are down

But most of all,
as I look into the eyes of my best friend,
I vow all of the live in my heart to you
until the moment that forever ends.

Here is to the future as we continue to grow into who God hopes us to be as individuals and a couple.  Love ya!

A first for the butcher's great-granddaughter

This year there will be no big Thanksgiving family gathering for the Reyes-Chow/Pugh family.  With my Grandfather's death last week, we are honoring the traditions that my grandmother has asked of us, among them, that the family not attend any family celebrations as we all mourn the loss of our grandfather.  While we will miss our big gatherings, we gladly do so for my grandmother and as a nod to our grief and sadness.

Still . . . that does not mean we can't enjoy a good ol' turkey and taters meal.  With a hankering for L-Tryptophan, this evening I went ahead and prepared a turkey for the crew. This year, though, would be a little different.  This is the year that the knife would be passed to the next generation.  While the kids always help prepare the meals, new to the teen years, Eldest, would now inherit the bird carving duties.  I believe strongly in passing down tradition, acknowledging rites of passage and having the next generation begin to grow into new roles and responsibilities.  So after a little internet research and a few pointers, Eldest went at it. With Middle and Youngest fixing the gravy and mashed potatoes in the background, Eldest poked, sliced, ripped and carved that bird until the carcass was clean and the meat ready to eat. 

She did a GREAT job!  I wonder if it is in our genes ;-)  My grandfather after all, was a butcher for most of his life, and while a very small gesture, his oldest great-grandchild carved her first turkey on this day when we were reminded to pause and give thanks for his life so well lived.  This one's for you Gpa!

Rest well Grandpa Chow, March 7, 1922 - November 18, 2009

Yesterday, surrounded by his family, Chuck Chow passed away; a wonderfully peaceful end to a wonderfully full life.

My cousin has posted a beautiful post about Grandpa Chow capturing images and words that gives just a glimpse of the this silent, gentle and firm man.

As with most grandchildren I only saw glimpses of that young feisty version of Grandpa that we heard about so often.  Still, I revel in memories of stories told and passed along: his time as a mah jong pit boss, his work as a butcher at Centro Mart and the war stories he would tell - complete with rifle - fighting for the US in Okinawa.

My fondest memory of Grandpa Chow was when most of us traveled to China to visit the villages of my grandparents in 1992.  The energy and enthusiasm that overtook him as we visited his kindergarten classroom, met school friends, interacted with family and stood with him as he was recognized at a school he helped to build was just too much fun.  It was like we were transported back to when he left China decades before, this time with the son who had returned home.

Still, what I most remember is a gentle man, relaxed in his recliner sort of watching over and reveling in the bustling of his family: Gma Chow, his wife of over 60 years, his four kids, five grandchildren and three great grandchildren. That recliner, where he napped, hung out with Corey, his rice-eating lovebird and watched TV.  Oh the simple and wonderful joys of life.

He was a man of few words, but would get giddy over Chinese soaps, technology and this crazy family that would invade his home whenever we could.  I can only imagine the pride that he felt about this family that, while spread out among professions and geography, were committed to being family and community for one another.  For this gift I am forever grateful.

And now as we move into a time of mourning and remembrance I am again grateful for the traditions that he and my grandmother pass on to the next generations.   Over the next month, we will all mourn, engage in cultural rituals and pay honor to this man who has touched so many.  And, as the moments present themselves, we will celebrate and remember this man who lives on in our stories, our lives and in our family.

Lastly, I simply give thanks that my girls have known their great-grandparents in a way that so is so unique.   What a gift.

We'll miss you grandpa. Rest well and know that your family rests in the knowledge that you watch over us still.

40 Prayers 4 My 40th Birthday

[image: robokow]

Today is my 40th Birthday.  So far I have survived ;-)

The social media enabled well wishes via twitter and facebook have been overwhelming as I experience the blessings and breadth of God's presence in my life.  While many of you I do not know personally, the willingness for folks to take a few moments to make contact does not go unappreciated.  In so many ways we are living new ways be connected one to another.  Thank you.

As you know, I also unapologetically told everyone What I want for the 40th birthday and the response has been wonderful.  Thank for those that gave money to support human rights work in the Philippines, The SF AIDS Walk and the MBCC Food Pantry.  I also appreciate those who took the time to offer their 40 prayers blog postings:

list updated on 05.03:

• Mark
• Sami
• Kerri
• Brad
• Candasu
• Amanda
• Sara

What wonderful expressions of how God's touch has been present in people's lives and the trust and hope that place in God's presence now and in the future.

As promised, here is my list of prayers for 40 things for which you are grateful, gives you hope or are in need of God's healing. These are in no particular order or organization other than free-flow and random.

1. Community of the Holy - To trite to start with Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit?  Well, there you go.  My gratitude for the experience of hope, creation, movement and community that all defy human understanding is central to who I am and hope to become.
2. The Holy Community - For those who have come before me, both known and unknown, and have fought and struggle for justice and peace so that I am my children might grow into who God intends for us to become.
3. Those that have no one to pray for them - That all the physical, emotional and spiritual and blessing in our lives will compel us to be blessings to others.
4. Robin - My lovely wife of almost 19 years.  Thank you for your willingness to speak and act the truth to me when I may not be able to see it myself.  Your love expressed in so many ways has allowed me to know God in, I hope, wonderful and complex ways.  I so LOVE how we have been able to grow together.  Plus we make awesome babies ;-)
5. Brian - For my brother-in-law's presence that is felt always: the joys of how you touched many in your life and the sadness as many still grieve your death.
6. My daughters - You are my joy and remind us every day of the complex and wonderful nature of God in our lives.
7. 80's Pop Culture - For memories.  Say what you will, the sounds and images from that time in my life still bring back fond memories of my formative years.
8. Eldest - For your wit and determination.
9. Books - For the possibilities that words bring to the world.
10. Middle - For your exuberance and sensitivity.
11. Music - For the complexity of life that is expressed in song and sound.
12. Youngest - For your wonder and empathy.
13. Art - For the inspiration that expression draws out from the world.
14. Baseball - For the greatest game in the world.
15. My Siblings - For your laughter, creativity, devotion to family and willingness to put up with your Manong.
16. Laughter and Tears - For the gift of expression and the laughter and tears that allow us to express our joy and grief in times of both.
17. My "Parents" - For both my actual ones, steps, in-laws and the countless committee members called and cajoled into helping to form shape all that I am;
18. Coffee and the places that serve it - For all that has transpired in my life around and amidst the experience and location of coffee and cafes.
19. Mom - For our journey.  We have certainly been through a great deal together.  You raised me to be the person I am today.  I hope to have lived up to all that you have done to create opportunities for me to grow in body and spirit.  Thank you.
20. Hope - While it is true we cannot not eat or spend hope, without it we are nothing.  For those that choose to live a life fueled by hope in all parts of their lives, thank you.
21. Those facing persecution - For the countless clergy and church workers around the world who's service and commitment to faith is lived out every day in ways that I cannot imagine.  For those who have been disappeared, tortured and repressed for their work with the poor and oppressed, may you find peace.
22. Dad - For our journey.  While we have had our ups and downs in the past, I so value what our relationship has grown into.  Your love and care for the girls and commitment to do all you can to support me in my adventures means so much.  Thank you.
23. Joel - For our journey.  As everyone one knows, you taught me how to pack like none other, you have cared for our mother like none other and lets face it, if not for you, I may not have made it through my teen years.  Thanks for keeping that crazy lady from killing me ;-)  Thank you.
24. Adventures - For those things that call me to move towards experiencing the wonder and freedom in Christ and away from a life driven by fear and cynicism.
25. Trinity Presbyterian Church - For my home church that, no matter the struggles, have served the community and it's members with a spirit and mind of compassion, justice and care.
26. Food - For all that it creates, expresses and encourages in it's preparation and consuming;
27. Technology - For the amazing opportunities is has created for positive action and the questions it has forces us to ask about community.  And to those FB Friends and Twitter Followers, thank you for being a part of my larger expereince of community.
28. Friends - Those who speak the truth and no matter the time, distance and/or circumstance we pick up right from where we left off.  You know who you are.
29. Oddities - Brussels sprouts, armadillos and terryaki mashed potatoes.
30. Farmers and Ranchers - For those that grow the food we eat and the ways in which they struggle and strive to feed and nourish the world.
31. Motorcycles - One of my spiritual disciplines.  It's been too long.
32. David the Chess Player - Where ever you may be may God's presence be made known to you as you made God's presence known to me over our random and sporadic chess lessons.
33. The Oakland A's Baseball Club - Really not much more to say about that ;-)
34. Children around the world - That the known and unknown places of violence, hunger, abuse and isolation! May those with the power and authority do do so, create a world and experience where you may grow into who God intends: playful, hopeful and peaceful.
35. The Church - For the churches I have served over the years, the church where I am now privileged to be called Pastor and this denomination that has called me to serve for a brief moment in time, thank you for allowing me to explore and express how I feel God calling me to serve.
36. Musicals - For the amazing gifts that people offer to express the emotion, struggle, redemption and life.  My top three in case you wanted to know: Rent, Avenue Q and Les Miserables.
37. Mentors - For those that, like it our not, you have had a hand in shaping my pastoral life: Joey, Lydia, Virstan, Leanne, Lucille, Phil, Francis, Odette and many more.
38. Rites of passage - For those markers in life when we must take time to reflect on our lives our communities and God's call upon out lives: graduations, commitments, births, deaths and even 40th birthdays.
39. Voices calling out - For those that are screaming, yearning and challenging me and the communities that I am a part of to be the community, church and Christians that I/we claim to be.  Despite the different ways we may address the pain of the world, may we never become ambivalent to the struggles of life and spirit that so many face every day.
40. Life - For the very gift of each morning and the privilege and responsibility it is to breathe the breath that God has given.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and affirmations sent my way these past few days.  My heart is full with the wonder of God. 

What I want for my 40th birthday

It is hard to believe that in just two days I turn the big 40. Yep, forty years ago on May 3rd in Stockton, CA this bundle of cuteness entered the world ;-)

Generally birthdays have never been a big deal to me, but as the day gets closer I must admit that to some extent it gives a frame of reference for reflection.

But reflection is for later and since some friends and family have asked, here is what I WANT WANT WANT; and to make it easier, I have provided multiple ways in which you can celebrate this awesome day in the life of ME ;-)

40 PRAYERS OF HOPE AND GRATITUDE

If you are a blogger or Facebook note writer, I would love for you to post a list of prayers for 40 things for which you are grateful, gives you hope or are in need of God's healing.  Please feel free to leave a trackback so others can see it.  I will be posting mine on my birthday. [My 40 Prayers]

40* TO SF AIDS WALK

While I am not able to ACTUALLY walk this year, I would love if you could sponsor me to make up for may lack of physical exertion.  I'll be traveling as Moderator that weekend, but hold this cause near and dear to my heart.  If you would like to sponsor my virtual walk, please visit MY WALKER PAGE to give online.

40* TO FIGHT HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES IN THE PHILIPPINES

As you know I traveled to the Philippine last February and was moved by the ministry that is happening there on behalf of the poor.  I am committing much of my energy to education and action around all of the abductions and repression of clergy in the Philippines.  The Presbyterian Church (USA) has set up a special fund “Support for victims and families of human rights abuses in the United Church of Christ in the Philippines" and I would love if folks could give the cause.  If you are interested, please please visit the PC(USA) support page and search for Project #E052070.  You will be directed to a page where you can give online. More Info on the work of the Presbyterian Church in the Philippines.

40* TO FEED FAMILIES IN SAN FRANCISCO

It costs about $1.50 to feed a family through food pantries in San Francisco.  Mission Bay Community Church has begun our food pantry and would love for you to take part.  You can either mail a check to MBCC (32 Ocean Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94112) or give via secure EFT to MBCC with eGive.  Just mark your donation with "Food Pantry" and, remember, YOU can make a HUGE difference with a small donation.

* There are many ways to make "40"

• 40 dollars = $40
• 40 half-dollars = $20
• 40 quarters = $10 

Okay, so there you have it, what I want to help me remember this 40th year of my life.  I very much appreciate the well wishes that have begun arriving already and I hope you can help be show my gratitude for life, by helping to make life better for others who are in need.

18 years ago today when we were but wee bairns

It has gone so fast to tell you the truth, but 18 years ago on a chilly Saturday morning, Robin and I were married.  My joke used to be" . . . and it has been the bet 25 years of my life" but now that we actually have 25 within range, I'll have to adjust my punchline.  Not sure that anyone REALLY knew what to expect when we were married at 21 and 24, me still in college and Robin having just graduated, but surely God knew, we trusted and so here we are.

From this . . .

To this . . .

Still laughing after all these years . . . hey, isn't that a song?

If you care to see more photos from our wedding, feel free.

in memory of Brian Pugh

Our family is filled with gratitude for the outpouring of prayers lifted up on behalf of Carol, the kids and the rest of the Pugh family during this tragic time.  It goes without saying that this past day with Eldest and I still in NY - headed home today - has been difficult.  Still, Robin has remained present to be with Carol and all of the Pugh kids have been a wonderful and wondrous distraction for all.

We have just put together a blog where friends and family can keep up to date on plans for services, places to share stories and a page to leave your prayers and thoughts for Carol and the kids.  So to stay informed and get more information please visit and subscribe to: www.rememberingbrianpugh.net.

Again, thank you for the prayers lifted up on our behalf and may God bless your every breath this day.

Prayers for my family in a time of tragedy

With a heavy heart, I ask for prayers this evening for a family who's very being has forever been changed.

As some of you may have heard, earlier this evening there was a shooting in the South Bay.   One of the people killed was my brother-in-law, Brian Pugh.  Needless to say, we are all in shock and in deep deep sadness for his wife and two young children.  You can read more here but details are still being discovered and the accused, as of this moment, has not been apprehended.

Please feel free to leave comments and prayers for his wife, two small children and  the families of the other victims if you wish.  There is a time and place to discuss the complexities of such situations, but that time is now not.  I will be extra-vigilant about deleting comments that might at all be unhelpful for the family at this time.  If you want to debate issues around any of this, there is plenty of chatter on news sites.

I will update later once we know more.

God's peace and understanding be with us all.

My own little spiritual director

I felt bad as a friend was visiting from out of town and I had a hard time focusing on her visit.  Too many things running around my head: budgets, blogs, church, etc.  I even made her go to church with me while I and others continued our work unpacking from our move.  Now don't get me wrong, this is so about me.  I KNOW that I just need to let go and assert my boundaries.  But . . . that darn eldest, type-A, Enneagram-3 part of me just wants to keep going and going and going.  It is doubly difficult because I so enjoy the interaction that has come into my life because of the whole moderator thing.  I love the church I serve.  I love volunteering at the school. I love the chaos.  Life is pretty good.

But today was one of those days that I felt done with it all.  Too many expectations, too many pulls on my life and too many eMails.  Now usually I love the pace at which my life has been as of late.  My spiritual director once told me that I loved sitting just under the wave.  That place where, at any moment, the wave may crash down, but when I am in a groove, I stay just inside it like a surfer riding the tube.  Usually I find great joy and life [AKA GOD] in that place.  Well after being unplugged for most of today as I sat down to answer the day's eMail, read blogs and catch up on twitterings, I just wanted to jump off the board and let the wave come on crashing down. 

I know that in the midst of all of this, my own expectations of myself get the best of me.  YOU all don't care how quickly I respond to eMails and or blog comments.  If I never did, most folks would never notice.  My American-ness come as I so often believe my worth comes from what I accomplish, my success and my efficiency.  I know in my head that is not the case, but sometimes it is hard to know that in my actions.

And so I sit there feeling the resentment build about my own lack of being able to find my worth in simply being faithful to God's call on my life . . . none of which has anything to do with the speed in which I respond people.

Then I am reminded by one of the other spiritual directors in my life when she comes running over to me as I am hunched over the laptop feeling obligated.

Crisis averted.
I feel better now.
I am loved.

Happy birthday to me . . .

Here I am squeezing a post in before Robin returns with seven little girls for my middle child's birthday sleepover.    Robin pulled trampoline duty and I got the house and dinner prep.  Yes, my birthday is just one day after the middle one so for all intents and purposes, I have no longer have a birthday.  That's cool.  I get my toys throughout the year - and then lose them - and life is pretty good.  Still, I am grateful for the well wishes over on my FB Wall.  Thanks for the luvin'.  Please know that you all help me to truly understand and experience the breadth and complexity of God.  Pretty freaking awesome if you ask me. 

Now off to cook chicken nuggets and tater tots.
Yeah, we know how to throw a party ;-)