> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.reyes-chow.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # The Church Will Not Take Care of Us - URL: https://www.reyes-chow.com/the-church-will-not-take-care-of-us/ - Published: 2026-11-07T13:43:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-11-07T13:42:59.000Z - Description: Ideas to help pastors thrive in ministry by honoring the boundaries they set - Author: Bruce Reyes-Chow - Tags: pastoral leadership, pastors, self-care, leadership It's Friday afternoon, and I'm sitting at a cafe working on my second banana milk brew (don't knock it until you try it). With so much happening at the church where I am the Transitional pastor, I am so very tempted to check my church email, respond to texts, or make a quick call about one more thing. I have managed to resist. This time. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/db/f8/dbf829b6-514b-4fc5-9764-dc1c6c47b780/content/images/2026/11/PXL_20261106_224047704.jpg) If you are even in Pasadena, be sure to check out [Milk Brew](https://themilkbrew.com/?ref=reyes-chow.com) on E. Colorado I am much better about my boundaries than I used to be, and I am getting better and better each day. That said, on occasion I make an offering to the god of meritocracy only to find myself 10 days later, worn and weary because I haven't taken time to breathe. Like so many other pastors over the generations, I talk a big game about healthy boundaries, and then I run roughshod over them again and again. American church culture has congregations and leaders addicted to productivity and performance. Too often we fall into the trap of believing that being overworked and overscheduled is some kind of flex and something to trumpet, "Our pastor is so busy." The problem is that we also know that if a pastor is perceived as not being busy, busy, busy, they must be slacking and not appropriately sacrificial. Obviously, irresponsibility and incompetence should not be the norm. We must also stop equating being overwhelmed or exhausted with being faithful or noble, because when we do, we harm family, community, and self. Our self-care is our responsibility. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one will. When we treat self-care as an afterthought or luxury, we risk spiritual, emotional, and physical burnout. I have been there, and it is a painful and dangerous posture for ministry. When we are in that space, for a day or a season, we lack clarity of thought, make poor choices, and are not the best version of ourselves as pastors or people. As one who often serves churches dealing with some kind of trauma, this is a dangerous combination. Burnout has forced too many pastors to leave the ministry, and too many congregations to get caught in cycles of conflicted pastoral transitions. I am not saying that pastors should bear the blame for these situations. I love pastoral ministry, and I have loved the congregations I have served, but what I have learned is that the church will not take care of us. This is not a knock on the church. In every church I have served, there have always been intuitive and attentive individuals who made sure to ask me how I was doing. But like any institution, the church feeds on what we give it, and the more, the better. Churches certainly have more individuals who pay attention to our health than corporations, but neither is built to live on less. I know it's a generational broken record, but we are no good to the church if we are not well. Allowing ourselves to be broken by our calling to serve the church is not a faithful response to our call. Pastoral martyrdom reinforces the idea that the church revolves around the pastor. Adopting this way of thinking can lead to physical unwellness and build deep resentment toward the very community we are called to serve. Thankfully, none of us is indispensable, but acting as if we are diminishes the congregation's agency and capacity to be church. One of the most important practices in ministry is setting and communicating boundaries as early as possible. Because I've been a transitional pastor, I've done this expectation-setting often. I have used the following words to explain and interpret my boundaries, expectations, and practices. - **"I keep my boundaries really well, but in times of crisis and urgency, I am your pastor 24/7."** Many folks may interpret healthy and strict boundaries as rigid and absolute. Reassure them that this is not the case. - **"We are not an emergency room."** One of the most difficult patterns to break is the idea that everything is urgent. I remind every staff team I have led that "No one is going to die because you didn't immediately answer their email or text." - **"If it's really urgent, text me."** To ease the anxiety many have around boundaries, make it clear that if there is a real emergency, you are accessible even if it's a text that says, "Please check your email." - **"Email is not texting."** This is one of my all-time communication pet peeves, because it feeds the everything-is-urgent monster. If I had a nickel for every time my inside or outside voice said, "That could have been a text." I would be rich. Rich, I tell you, rich. - **"I do not check my email on..."** I have auto-responders on my emails (personal and professional) that clearly state when I do or do not check my inbox and when the person can expect a response. Not automatically checking your email 24/7 starves the above-mentioned everything-is-urgent monster. - **"I work my ass off when I am on, but when I am off, I'm off."** Maintaining boundaries around self-care doesn't mean your ministry will lessen; it does the opposite. Serving from a place of groundedness and health helps my ministry thrive. I am a far better pastor and effective employee when my body, mind, and spirit are centered, rested, and healthy. Okay, before the "But, but, but..." excuses start, let's address the number one lie we tell ourselves when an email or text weasels its way into view: "It'll be quick." Suuuuuure it will be. Before you know it, 20 minutes later, the text thread is still going; that email response just jacked two hours of your day; or you now find yourself back at the church to take care of something that apparently couldn't wait until tomorrow. Okay, so what can you do? Of course, everyone's boundary-setting context is different. Some folks have one day off, while others have two. Some are part-time pastors, while others are full-time. Some serve congregations with unrealistic expections, while others serve ones that could use more attention. I haven't served a congregation full-time in over a decade, so in order to honor the commitments made between myself and the congregation, I have adopted the following tactics and practices: - **I treat my days off as sacred.** Honoring boundaries is not only about resting my spirit, but also about tending to my relationship with God. I serve God's people better when I am not burned out or exhausted. - **I know my weaknesses.** I know what causes me to cave, and I plan accordingly. - **I calendar my rest.** This is so silly, but I need to do it. I calendar "Bruce's Day Off" to avoid inadvertently adding something because the day looks clear. - **I partition my emails.** My work emails do not show up in my personal inbox. I have to choose to log in and check my work email. When I don't inadvertently see a provocative subject line, I cannot be tempted to respond. - **I set autoresponders.** My autoresponders set expectations about response time: "I will respond to your email within 36 hours. If this is urgent, feel free to text me at..." - **I distract myself.** I make sure to do things that force me NOT to think about church. This includes watching movies at an actual movie theater in the middle of the day, [working out where all I am thinking about is not dying](https://www.reyes-chow.com/my-orangetheory-fitness-story/), or bingeing K-dramas that keep my focus on the subtitles and not my phone. - **I write.** [As evidenced by my draft folder](https://www.instagram.com/p/DfapTxwz2CM/?ref=reyes-chow.com), a lack of ideas isn't a problem. I'm always coming up with new ideas and putting some words down. Whether I complete a piece or not, the craft and process of writing feed my soul. When something nourishes you and brings you joy, it's easy to carve out time for it. - **I sleep.** My natural alarm is about 7:30am, but to temper my constant need for productivity, on my days off, I force myself to sleep an extra hour or two. I also aggressively allow myself to nap. - **I schedule emails.** When I cannot help but respond to an email, I schedule it to send later using [Boomerang for gMail](https://www.boomeranggmail.com/?ref=reyes-chow.com). This avoids the email-as-text mess and reinforces that immediacy is not and will not be the norm. - **I use voice memos.** My brain is always going, so often something related to a person, process, or sermon pops into my head. Rather than opening my computer and starting on it, I voice-memo it into [ToDoist (referral)](https://get.todoist.io/nrqohbkxx99g-H?ref=reyes-chow.com), my task organizer. **Bonus: Brick It.** If your willpower and discipline are running on empty and you need some external help, [turn your phone into a Brick (referral)](https://getbrick.com/?snowball=Referral73520&ref=reyes-chow.com). Brick turns your phone into an inaccessible, locked paperweight. I use Brick to cut me off from all social networks from 11:30 pm until 6:00 am. You can choose when you are cut off, which apps you are cut off from, and how hard it is to regain access. The brilliance of Brick is that it is extremely difficult to unbrick. To regain access, you must get up and tap your phone on the Brick device, which means getting up and moving to another room. [Here is my BrickIt referral code](https://getbrick.com/?snowball=Referral73520&ref=reyes-chow.com). And just like that, I've spent most of my day crafting this post. I haven't responded to any emails, only texted back one person, and otherwise taken my day off the way I hoped. When it comes to pastoring, we are all works in progress, and self-care is a lifelong learning experience. When you need to, give yourself permission to do what you need to do, and when those choices aren't the best, have the courage to receive the grace God offers. Thank you for who you are and what you do. Peace, ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/db/f8/dbf829b6-514b-4fc5-9764-dc1c6c47b780/content/images/2026/07/BRC-Signature-Bruce-2026.png) PS: For subscribers (free or paid) there are still a few books up for grab if you give me some [feedback about The Amalgamtion content](https://www.reyes-chow.com/feedback-ask-book-giveaway/).