In my pastoring, consulting, coaching, and speaking, I have probably worked or spoken with hundreds of churches about a broad range of topics: activism, organizational change, faith formation, Palestine, etc., but many (most?) conversations are about church growth sparked by some version of the question, "How do we get young people to join the church?"
Follow-up issues include, "How do I get my own children to come to church?" "Young people visit, but they rarely come back again" or some version of, "Please give us some tactics that get young people to join our church."
Honestly, it is nearly impossible to know exactly why visitors don't return or why people never come in the first place. Anyone who says, "Visitors don't come back because of X," is usually using non-returning visitors as a vehicle for their own gripes. Unless someone gives you a specific reason like, "I did not return because your sanctuary smelled like soup," saying people don't return because of music style, social media, or the preaching is just conjecture. That doesn't mean we stop trying to figure it out, but we must be honest about how legitimate our opinions are.
I find that many folks who have strong opinions about what it takes to grow a church have never actually been part of a growing church. Often, the more confident and definitive one's opinion is about a particular growth tactic, the more obvious it is that they have never actually be involved in the process of growing a church. Many may have been part of bigger churches, but participation in a bigger church isn't the same as helping it get there.
In my case, I have not only served churches that have grown in number and impact, but through my travels and coaching church planters, I have had the privilege of seeing effective church-growth strategies in action. The church will never be what it was when Christendom was the dominant faith narrative, but I believe self-reflective, discerning, and courageous congregations can grow.
Again, there is never one reason why so many of our older churches remain so, but there is one reason that I bet most of us have never thought of – "Young people love you too much to join you."
If you're one of the older congregations of which I speak, one that really wants young people to show up and participate, please stay with me through some of the critique. I very much believe that most church folks take their baptismal vows seriously when it comes to raising and nurturing the faith of future generations, but when I press folks, older churches that are chasing a younger demographic are usually motivated by a few things:
- We love what our church has been, so we want younger people to replicate what we do and how we do it.
- We are exhausted, so we want younger people to take over for us.
- We are struggling financially, so we want younger people to give us their money.
- We are watching our church die before our eyes, so we want young people make sure we surive – as long as they adhere to #1.
I know it's shocking, but these aren't inspiring, motivating, or compelling reasons for young people to rush to turn in those pledge cards. Still, I know young people will visit or come with their parents or grandparents, and when they do not stick around, we wonder why. We begin to catalog all of the reasons that this happens. We blame the one thing that must surely be the reason, because if it's not music, preaching, or technology, it means they choose not to join us because of who we are. Ouch.
I have many thoughts about church growth: theological, strategic, and tactical. I do know that there is not only one reason why older churches do not grow. Many individual variables, when combined, can create a space that repels young people, but have you considered that young people love and respect you too much to change something you love and cherish? Is it possible your kids will come on occasion, but not all the time, because they love you and don't want to change what you love? Is it possible that a young family that visits believes you are lovely people, but do not want be the ones responsible to start, populate, and run Sunday school?
Yes, it would be great if young folks would help, challenge, and even fight for the church they want to be part of, but why would they do that when they can find meaningful spiritual, musical, or communal experiences elsewhere? Sure, they may come for special occasions; they may dip their heads in to get a taste, and they may even stick around for a season. But wrestle and fight those of you who have built the church and are nurtured to make it into what they want; I doubt it. I think younger folks respect you and your space and aren't motivated to give their finite time, energy, and resources to change and dismantle what means so much to you. And sure, some churches say they are open to change, but why should younger people bear the burden of leading the charge? Short answer: they shouldn't, and they won't.
Remember, people today, young or old, can find community in many settings; music venues are plentiful, inspirational storytelling is easy to find, and the vibes that bring them joy take many forms. If the things that bring them meaning exist elsewhere, why would they spend energy changing something into something it isn't already? Again, they shouldn't and they won't.
How many of you would join an established community only to be told your first order of business was to change it? Why join and support something that does not already fit your needs? I join something because it already feeds me, not because I want to change it. Could you imagine the pitch, "We would love you to join our gym. Our machines are a little out of date, we only play heavy metal polka, and you will be the only one from your stage of life. But we would really like you to pay your membership (BTW, we only take personal checks), start a new run club, invite all of your friends, and spend extra time outside your workout to help us change. Oh, and we don't change very easily and we fight it tooth and nail, but pay no mind; we still want you to join. Whattaya say?"
Before you react with a "not all young folks," take a beat. Of course, one or two younger people are involved in many older congregations. I have met many of them, and they are awesome. Church nerds, but awesome. These folks most often already have a relationship with the church, so they feel enough loyalty and obligation to bear with what doesn't feed them, and enough ownership to try to change the church. It takes a particular personality and history to want to find a spiritual home, take the time to find one, show up, interact with a new group of people, and then commit to its future. These folks are few and far between.
Okay, Bruce, then how do you attract young people?
You'll have to keep up with So You Say You Want to Grow for that journey, but for today, I hope you can think differently about why young people aren't sticking around. What I am saying should not be a reason to stop thinking strategically or tactically, but permission and prodding to look through a different lens when thinking about young people's absence from the pews we love so much.
Peace —
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